So its done... the agency now knows that we have stopped our fight for our little angel, Sun Yu. I think that to symbolize this end, I will close down this blog in her honour. We are looking into ways to support her - either by fostering her or by sending her care packages - so that she will know that someone, somewhere really does care about her and that the world has not forgotten about her.

I will restart a new blog, when things aren't quite as grey and sad, and I will let you all know when and where, privately.

Again, thanks to everyone for your support and your encouragement. We are so thankfull to all of you... words just can't express it well enough.

Clarification:




Thank you to everyone for all your kind words of support. We have been quite literally through hell and back, with some good old torture thrown in just to make sure that we were completely done in. We could not have made it through the past 4 months without you all being there, and listening to us, and being as angry and frustrated as we have been.

A few people have asked what happened and what will happen now: the highlights of our latest meeting are that she asked us clarification questions for 1 hour. Questions about me and my upbringing, my relationships, the kids SNs, Greg's friends and what we do in our free time (what free time, I said, chuckling... nothing from her). Then she changed her tone, and Greg thought she was going to convene our next meeting with the kids... but she let it out finally that she had spoken directly with Darth Sidious and her young apprenctice, Darth Maul (I would like to choose a more powerful name, but I don't think my MIL would necessarily approve... so I will stick to Star Wars moniquers) and they had all confirmed that our project of adoption, for a 6 to 8 year old, was refused. The reasons given: we are a healthy family, but the risks are too great to all of the children; and, they would want to evaluate the child to see if she actually wants to be adopted, among other questions they would have for her. As you can see, an impossible situation- they can't assess her, she is overseas! Also, the risk to our family in their eyes was great but they could not quantify it (for instance, we have been told a few times that there is a greater risk for interruption of adoption and that this happens all the time... well, they can't produce any stats to back this up whenever we have asked. I did some digging on my own, and in the past 3-4 years, there has only been 1 known case of a Chinese older child going through an interrupted adoption. While just one child going through this is very sad, to give you an idea, in 2003-2004, there were 300 cases of child abandonned which accounted for 1% of all the cases that Social Services has dealt with in that time period. Factor in that perhaps that 1 interrupted adoption is among that 300... you get less than 0.004%... my risk factor for Zach's pregnancy was in the neighbourhood of 15%... if I am given a risk factor of 0.004%, I'll take that!). Greg was in shock and I remained tight-lipped (I expected this at some point in the meeting, thanks to an angel at our agency who prepared me for this possibility). We asked for our written report and when it would be delivered (in 1 month). We left shortly after that (she asked us another loaded question, which I refused to answer... Greg likened it to my being in the Batmobile and the protective defensive grid going up and around the car).

What does all this mean for our adopting in China? We still have a file Logged In (LID Jan 30 07) which is what the ticker up top is tracking. We also have an SN addendum, which allows us to adopt a child from 0-24 months with an SN (special needs) - this is a slightly different track, because our agency receives the files and if our list of SNs match her SN, then they would give us a call.) So yes, we can still adopt... just not a child between 6-8 yrs old. Are we devastated? Yes, we are. I have been crying buckets since Tuesday's meeting, and took yesterday off cause I was not sure if I was coming or going. We really tried very hard, and I think you all know this, but we have gone as far as we can go. We won't get the Senate's support (again, Star Wars) for sure, as another family has tried this route only to be shot down. Greg does not want to go to the Press, and neither do I. That leaves the Human Rights Commission and that could take a very long time... a very long time... and we are not prepared to go to the Commission. We had hoped for a miracle from the meeting that was supposed to have been held yesterday between Darth Sidious's boss and our agency's rep, but that was canceled due to illness.

I have started looking into the possibility of us either fostering our little angel or at least sending her care packages once a month, so that she knows that somewhere someone really does care about her.

We have trust in a higher power that He knows what he is doing with us.

The Dark Side has won: we have been categorically refused for an adoption of an older child, between the ages of 6 to 8.

Finding Old Friends:

Blast from the past today - I have been found by some old high school friends, and I have been introduced to Facebooks. Shelley, Dianne, Justine, Darryll have been found again! Really looking forward to getting up to speed on what they have been doing all these years. Oh my, I'm in trouble now... it gets rather addictive once you are in there!



Tomorrow is the big day, and part of me can hardly wait to get it over with while the other part of me doesn't want to go. Ignorance is bliss I guess. Hoping for Rainbows in the clouds... please let there by someone, somewhere protecting us so that we don't have to go through what we went through last time. And please, let it not be an outright refusal...

ROUND 2

or

July 10th at 1 pm, round 2 begins in her office. Which person will show up? The Pitbull (sorry, hate to use a common stereotype, but it was used by someone in a conversation on this topic and it is stuck in my brain now) or the lamb. My money is on the Pitbull, as it's in her office.

Our plan: Greg does most, if not all, of the talking. Hopefully this way I won't hurt anyone! He did very well in round 1, so hopefully he can keep that same calm disposition for round 2.

Update: Well, odds are that this meeting on the 10th is going to be about why we are being refused.... sighhhhh. So Greg and I are trying to prepare ourselves for this - should we defend ourselves or question her statements, or just say fine... write it up and we will see you later? I am leaning towards write it up and see ya - that way, we get away from the Dark Side and maybe go to other bureaucratic bodies, with the hope that these bodies are honest, professional, forthright, non-intimidating... well you get the picture. Keep in mind that we already have two reports (yes, that's right 2 reports, signed by the Dark Side) that say that we can adopt a child between 0 and 2 yrs.

I would really appreciate everyone's input on this:

Our first wedding anniversary is coming up on August 4th! My question is what should we do to celebrate our first anniversary, that doesn't cost too much as we are trying to be fiscally responsible these days?

One idea I had was to invite everyone over for a bbq/pool party on the 4th - as we got married on an island alone, it might be a nice way to have everyone around us 1 year later.

Another option is to get a sitter in to look after the boys over night while hubby and I go off to a hotel for... well you know... sleep. Come on guys, the last time we both slept in beyond 6 am was 1 year ago!

Lost 4.6 lbs this week!

We've got nothing but love to prove (Faith Hill):

Isn't it amazing that love should have to be proven? How do you measure it? Well according to the Dark Side, they have their own system of measurement... which of course they won't share, but we have somehow to prove that we have enough love for 4 children and that we will not cause them any undue risk by introducing a sister into the fold. How do you prove that? How do you argue that?

We are it seems a "healthy family". Why oh why would we want to introduce such a risk into our healthy family? Because we have the capacity to love, learn, teach, laugh and grow together... that's why. But that doesn't seem to be enough... just not enough.

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams that tie two hearts that will never die
And near the flames
The shadows play in the shape of the mans desire

This desert rose
Whose shadow bears the secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume that would torture you more than this

And now she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothings as it seems

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes
The rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of love

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Whose shadow bears the secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume that would torture you more than this

Sweet desert rose
This memory of hidden hearts and souls
This desert flower
This rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of love

(Desert Rose, written by Sting)

It went awful... just awful. It was a confrontational meeting right from the start, and we were on the defensive from the get-go. Yes, its clear to us what her mandate is: no way, no how should anyone be allowed to adopt. No way, no how should anyone be allowed to adopt an older child. Just because children are available should we be able to choose this path. Just awful....

Today is the day - we meet with our new psychologist this morning at 9:30 am to be evaluated again for an older child adoption. I of course have to wake up with a migraine and this feeling of dread: are we wasting our time this morning? She is just going to figure out some way to say No in the end, because the Dark Side does not support older child adoption.

Greg feels that its the first step - my dream would be that Sun Yu knows that she has a family before her 8th birthday in September. I really hope this comes true for her and for us... but sitting here listing to my three boys scream upstairs, I'm not sure how to do it.

Need some purple power - hence the purple guitar. Will try to think of Greg playing this beautiful guitar for us while we go down this path.

Happiness

Paris Hilton is freeeeeeee!!!! Happiness.... NOT! Why is it that she is the lead story on so many news sources? Who cares where she is, just as long as she isn't driving her cars around anymore!

Had an energized day. Man, it is so nice being off sugar - day 2 went well with 2 lbs of water gone in 24 hours. I had so much stuff going on today, that I didn't get to do what I really wanted to do: call the Children's and start setting up my preemie mom's night out. I did however contact the Career Counselor at work today to volunteer as a mentor, but guess what? She is off until July 30th! Man, foiled by summer holidays.

The other exciting thing is that I got confirmation that the worms are back from space, and everything seems to be a go!

Tomorrow is the big day - if our boss walks in with a smile, we are good. If he isn't smiling, we have a lot of fun coming our way with our business planning exercise. After what I learned last week, I will be smiling because I can!

Just back from a week in Ottawa on training (again). This time it was Leading Transitions - rather appropriate considering what we are going through at work and at home. This course is about looking at yourself and your feelings, and recognizing what you may go through in a transitional period. It was all about....

Rough week for me- Kami and Marie-Claire forced me to go to a place I didn't want to go and I think in the end it was exactly where I needed to go. Met a lot of wonderful people including Nathalie, Korian, Kami - the triple L threat Each is a powerful leader in her own right, and I was inspired and touched by each lady. Wish I had a camera, would love to post a picture of our team... but alas, didn't think of it at the time.

I also had a chance to go to the Museum of Civilization to see the Treasures of China. What a great exhibit: two highlights for me were the tapestry with clouds (clouds are considered a good omen in China, as they bring life) and the final painting done by an artist who is from Jiangsu - a mix of modern and ancient China. I felt like our daughter was right beside me the whole way. Oh, and I mustn't forget to mention the jade - what amazing workmanship, with such a hard stone.




Now, back to reality. Finally got on the scale and discovered to my horror that I have gained 27 lbs since the last weigh in. I can believe it, given the head in the sand routine I have been using of late. So back on the diet again...today was day 1, and so far everything is good. Spent the afternoon cooking with Greg, so I have enough food for lunches and dinners all week without having to panic about what to eat and then devouring whatever I see. Thank heaven's its summer time and the fruit is just wonderful and cheap!



We all went for a bike ride or two yesterday Needless to say, our butts all hurt :o( Jacob sat in his new bike seat and would yell out "Wooohhhhooooo" whenever Maman would start pedaling or going down a hill.

Great News about Jacob that I have to share: he is now in the 25th percentile for weight and, are you ready for this... 50% percentile for height!!!!!!!! And this is for his real chronological age, not adjusted (in other words, don't take the three months off of prematurity).

We have our first appointment with our new evaluator for our update!!!!!!!!!!! Its June 28th in the morning (if everything goes well for DH and he doesn't have to work some crazy hours again). We will have a second meeting later on, where she will meet the kids and see their rooms, the house, etc. Should be a hoot if she wants to ask the baby what he thinks about having an older sister!

Everyone, please, fingers crossed, prayers please... we need all the help we can get to move things along in a positive direction.

Perspective:

While doing something on the computer today, we stumbled upon some video's of Jacob in the NICU. I caught my breath, not realizing that we still had those films - I had, quite honestly, forgotten about them. Then I realized just how far we have come since that terrible, terrible time back in 2005.

To help you all understand where we have been and where we are now, take a deep breath and look at these two pictures of our little blond angel:

Jacob at 3 days old (28 weeks gestation)

Jacob at his 2nd birthday party

Perspective..... perspective.

Well, I did a cool thing so I thought and it didn't work - I found this neat sound player and somehow it caused some source code problems so I deleted it.

The NeoEarth thing is really cool - I had no idea that people all over the world were coming in and reading my blog. So HI to everyone and welcome to my little piece of cyberspace. Don't be shy to leave comments, I love talking to people! I'll make an effort to keep up my postings a little more now... I honestly thought no one was coming over... duhhh.

A few little updates:

Moved our ticker to the top, because I thought it would be easier to track our long wait if it was up top.

A few people have asked how long? Rumors are rampant that The Wait will go to between 2 years or even 3 years for NSN. We are also in the SN stream, and while I was going over my blog entries I noticed that I had written that we were waiting for a new batch of SN files to arrive at our agency. Well, a batch did arrive in late April but we were #3 on the wait list, and there were only 2 girls files that arrived. So we missed that batch of babies... which in the end was a good thing. It gave us time to think about and research adopting an older child, still from China. When I say an older child, I mean a child between the ages of 6 to 8 years old. We decided to pursue the adoption of such a child, and we were in principle "approved" by our evaluator after a thorough grilling. However, the Dark Side won a battle and we have since been fighting to exercise our rights. We took a serious blow to our Courage a couple of weeks back, but after a wonderful and inspirational evening of listening to Dr. Maya Angelou and talking with various adoptive mothers, we have decided to continue our battle for our daughter who will be between 6 and 8 years old.

We have notified the Dark Side that we wish to continue, and we got a bit of good luck: we have a new Evaluator who has come highly recommended (professional, trustworthy, honest) by several people. So we have hope again, and my Courage is back up - thanks to the wonderful Rainbows in the Clouds that have been surrounding me and hoisting me up to go back into battle. DH isn't completely there yet, but I have enough Courage for both of us right now. This just feels right, and we are really on the side of the Right - we are following our values, honestly and passionately. Our agency is also very much behind us - the Executive Director has a meeting with the boss of the Dark Side to bring our case and another 2 cases from other families that are having the same problems we are.

I have found our daughter's bedroom furniture, but we are waiting to buy it as it is mucho dollars... which we don't have right now. I have been quite good at not buying any clothing yet either. This has been extremely hard, as I do believe in Retail Therapy (to copy from Doris). My compromise it to buy hair stuff for her and particular dolls/toys that I know are hard to find. Clothing will come when I have a better idea of her size and the season when she will come home!

Tristan's surgery went well on Friday, but he did not react well to the anesthesia so we had a sick boy on our hands for a few hours. He is duly distracted by his new Gameboy and PS2, and I am able to get him away from those games to color from time to time - but it doesn't have the same effect as the games, unfortunately. He is still in pain and it definitely hurts to swallow, and he still has a fever today. It will be a slow march back to health... poor baby.

Zach goes to school tomorrow for the first time! My babies are growing up so fast, I can't believe I will have two in school come September. I also can't believe that I have been out of school for close to 17 years now.. yikes... sighhhhh.

Nuts I am... yes, I know, completely NUTS...

Its all my secretary's fault really. She is the one who asked me about the SPCA and how to adopt a dog from there. Then she started looking on the website, exclaiming every so often "Oh, just look at that one... he is so cute" or "Ohhhhh Stef, you just have to look at this one. She is gorgeous." I held out for as long as I could, then, it was out of my control... I started to look. Then, I came across this one very handsome guy, and I just couldn't believe how beautiful he was. I sent an email to the lady who runs the shelter (oh- oh, you say) and asked for some info about him. His name is Zorro, he is 2 yrs old, and he is a cross between a Bernese Mountain Dog and a Collie, and he isn't in Rawdon where the shelter is based but in... are you ready for this... Saint-Basile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Literally, in my backyard, on the other side of the tracks. That was the end of it for me, as you can imagine.

I would like to introduce you all to Zorro, the latest member of our family:

I said I wouldn't do this, but I can't resist...

Your kids at a birthday party, before the sugar:

Your kids at a birthday party, after the sugar kicks in:


:o)

Moka and me

I know, I know... I haven't posted in a while and I think most of you now know why. Our much loved Berner, Moka Java, passed away unexpectedly April 19th at 4 pm at the young age of 6 1/2 years old. I have no idea what to write, because there is so much I could say about her, so I think I will just let the picture speak to how much of a wonderful, loved doggy she was.

We have her ashes with us now, so things have sort of gotten back on track in the house. Summer will sleep under the table, where we keep Moka's ashes... sort of her way of staying with her pack, I suppose. Tristan has gone outside, looked up to the sky on occasion and will call for Moka - he says he does this cause he wants her to come and play with him. Zach still asks intellectual questions, and Jacob will just say "Moka mort, Maman. Moka mort." When will we bury her, who knows. Right now, I need her close cause I miss my puppy.

Someone asked me recently if we would get another Bernese: my immediate answer was "Its too soon to answer that.". To Greg I have been saying, quite honestly, "No way. There is only 1 Moka.". Now that I look at that little puppy face, I'm thinking... maybe, just maybe another berner. For now, however, we are still working hard with Summer to get her to a good place. We have no idea what was done to her, but its taking a lot of leadership on my part to get her non-anxious and eating to put some meat on her bones. I am battling not only her deamons, but her breed too: it seems that German Shepards are whiners (if only I had known!). The Vet says that she is pleasantly surprised at how well Summer is doing with us - she is on the whole a calm, well socialized doggie and she is doing very well with her commands. Having said all this, its a lot of work for me, so for now, we will stay a 1 dog household.

Wellllll.... here she is!!! SUMMER IS HERE!





Yes, that's right we finally found Summer... at the SPCA Montreal, last night at 8 pm, to be precise. She is a German Shepard crossed with a Collie, as far as we can tell; she is 1 1/2 yrs old and has a beautiful temperament with the kids. With Moka, we are having some domination issues but I think that was worked out today at the groomer's - seeing as they got locked into a room together! Then it was off to the Vet for both of them, and I think they were providing each other with emotional support as each one got blood tests and needles, and the dreaded thermometer in the butt! She has obviously had some training, as she heels beautifully... I plunged right in this morning, and walked both of them together side by side and it was the best! My left arm was killing me by the end of it, seeing as I was controlling 50 kgs of working dog power. Both dogs are completely crashed out upstairs, so I think we have reached a milestone of some form of stability for Summer and Moka.

The best Easter gift is the gift of Summer!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

ITS OFFICIAL!!!! January 30th 2007 is our LID (Log In Date)!!! That means that we are "officially" in the system - the next date, if we stay NSN, is the "Review Date" which is when our dossier will be officially reviewed, and found either wanting or perfect!



So here is what our timeline looks like:

Paperchase over: Nov 17 2006
DTC: Dec 27 2006
LID: Jan 30 2007

SN addendum dropped off at Formons: January 30 2007

Interesting that our SN addendum and our LID were on the same day, wouldn't you say?!?

I was looking for a completely different image, then I found this one... which reminded me of my mom and her "magic dancing shoes". Everyone needs a pair of magic dancing shoes! So here you are... your very own pair.

The original idea behind posting tonight was to scream from the rooftops that Karen's husband James is hours away from seeing and holding Presley! Please go check out Karen's blog. They are so close! Presley Jordan's site.

We may have found relief for Greg, while I am away. Her name is Christiane, she is originally from Belgium and she is surely in her 60's. She seems to be really nice, and the boys have taken to her - even Jacob ended up giving her a hug as she left! Keep you fingers crossed that this will work - just watch, now that we have found someone, the boys will never be sick again!

Can you see the smile on Tristan's face, under his hockey mask????!!!! He just loves to play this game. This was at his last festival, in Montreal.

Yes, that's right... its 3 am and I am up with the worst virus bug I have ever experienced! I have been flat on my back for 2 days now, unable to move. But now, I am awake and can't sleep cause I am delirious - great!

Watch out everyone out there - this one is nasty. You think you have the flu, then you think you have gastro, then somehow it mutates to a cold/cough/fever thing with stomach so sensitive that you can only eat chocolate (I kid you not!). The boys each had it, and Jacob has it again... so another week off perhaps, and Greg and I are running out of sick days/vacation days. Thank Heaven's end of fiscal year is only a month away, and I get my full complement of days off!

We have put ads in the local papers trying to find someone to sit for us, but no luck yet - a 12 yr old, a 13 yr and a 16 yr old answered the ads. We have also contacted a couple of Nanny agencies, but good luck trying to find one that wants to live on the South Shore of Montreal and take care of potentially 4 kids! One lady was very nice and said whether I liked it or not, she was going to make it her personal crusade to find us someone cause she thought we were "normal'! Ha... I guess there are a lot of "not normal" people out there trying to find child care for their children.

We have been waiting for "The Phone Call" re dossiers arriving at our agency, but nothing yet has come in. They did request some new files at the end of January, and it can take up to 6 weeks before they arrive... we hoped that maybe some would arrive during the Chinese New Year holiday, and that we would get the phone call on what would have been Dad's 70th birthday, but none have. So we wait for another 3 weeks or so at least. Maybe on my birthday we will get the news? Or maybe March 24th... Jacob's first day home with us in 2005, and the day we celebrate his "birthday".

Some good news though: Karen, our resource person at Formons, finally got her TA (travel authority) after waiting over 200 days!!! She is happily running around getting stuff done for Presley's arrival. Her husband will be leaving March 2nd - such excitement!

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
*
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.


This was sent by my friend Rosy... thanks Rosy, for making me stop and feel special.

So here I am waiting patiently for the mail to come... for our SN ADDENDUM!!! Yuppie, happiness and glee on Friday (and thereafter of course). I contacted our SW via email, but he had no clue, so I called the Centre de Jeunesse and the very nice lady who answered confirmed, with much fanfare, that the addendum was in the mail!

What does this mean? It means that when the next batch of special needs dossiers comes in to our agency, and if there is a little girl with either a cleft lip/palate, minor heart defect (ASD, VSD, PDA), hernia, mild hearing loss, extra digits, then the agency will call us and ask us if we are interested (as if we would say no!). Then, I think, we get the dossier and we can then go and speak to the specialists to make an informed decision. Now, if there is no one in the next batch that matches us, then we continue to wait for the NSN. We are waiting also for the LID (log in date for our file), which theoretically should be today, as our DTC (date to china of our file) was December 27 2006... if everything goes well that is.

On another happy note, we had our MNO (Mother's Night Out) on Saturday waaaaayyyyy out in Dollard, which is about 1 hour drive from the house. It was worth it - I had a great time talking to Doris, Wanda, Sandra, Rosie, Justina and Lisa. I left them (boohoo) after dinner to go and talk to Karen for a bit - poor Karen is STILL waiting for her TA (travel approval) to go and get her daughter, Presley. She is approaching 200 days of waiting, and it is starting to show that she has had just about enough of the wait. I can't blame her.

Stay tuned for the arrival of the mail - I will be dancing up and down when I get it into my hands let me tell you! (Let's just hope it arrives before I have to leave for the nation's capital tomorrow night for the rest of the week... yes I am leaving THE BOYS alone for 3 days - keep your fingers crossed that the house will still be standing when I get back!)

Beautiful, isn't she? Princess Dai - her serene face, wind swept appearance made me think of conviction and strength in the face of a wind storm. And boy are we in the thick of one.

For those that still check to see if I am posting (sorry about that), so much has been going on in this New Year that I don't even know where to begin. I will start with the adoption, because we really need some prayers.

We have a meeting with our social worker on Monday at 11 am to get an update to our adoption home study which was completed back in November. If you recall, we had quite a delay in receiving our home study from the Centre de Jeunesse because our SW had to "defend" us. Well, it's come to light that he had to defend us for 2 hours. For what, he won't tell us at all (he just responds that "You don't want to know"). Our SW at first refused to do our SN update because he didn't think we would be approved. So Greg and I thought about it for a week, and we finally decided that we were going to go at this full steam ahead. I called the Centre de Jeunesse to ask them what we had to do to be able to proceed. They told me to contact our SW who did our home study. When I explained that he refused to do it, because he doesn't work for them anymore, the lady at the Centre de Jeunesse told me she would contact him and ask him to do it for us. Then our SW called us, all surprised, saying that he would do it for us at it seems that they (Centre de Jeunesse) want him to do. Instead of just doing it over the phone, however, we have to meet in his office for 1 hour and he will charge us for 2 hours, where the second hour will be for writing up the addendum letter. He warned us that its not a given that we will be successful, and that its not going to be easy. So Greg and I are preparing ourselves the best we can for this grilling, but its a little hard to know what to think - should we even be hopeful? - when we have no idea why there is a problem with our dossier.

Our resource person, at Formons, is being very supportive and writing to us almost every night with words of encouragement. Its so frustrating to not know what the problem is, when we know beyond a shadow of doubt that we would be a good family for an SN child. We have so many resources at our disposal - pediatrician, 2 ORLS, speech therapists, preemie clinic, pediatric cardiologist, nephrologist, ergo therapists. I could call any of them up and have an appointment within a day or two! The vast majority of people don't want to go the SN route because they don't feel equiped to deal with health or developmental issues - we've dealt with a great deal of them. SO WHERE IS THE PROBLEM????

The other item on our plate, which appears to be getting better, is the boys and their ability to deal with frustration. We have seen a pediatric psychologist twice so far, once with the boys, and we have made real progress this past week with Tristan. We are now using a Sun/Cloud method of highlighting unacceptable behaviour, with a reward of 10 minutes of computer time if they should finish the day with a Sun. Tristan is trying very hard, and he has so far been successfull 2 out 3 days; Zach on the other hand is not quite able to do it yet.